Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
