and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
