dude i'm inner monologue high
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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