Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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