I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
