piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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