i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
