I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
