take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He kissed a someone with a penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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