Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
