She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
