Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
