on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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