i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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