I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
