I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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