if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she told me i tasted like america
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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