You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
