Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
