so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think i have herpe
just one?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you never un-have a 4some
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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