Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
