dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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