Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
