I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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