Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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