every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
