We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
