Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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