whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
