I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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