I am full of burrito and curiosity
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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