I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
