apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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