mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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