Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
