Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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