She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
