he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were destined to go to rehab together
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
