rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
