a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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