In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
