I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
