Yo dont text me then not text me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
