The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
