Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
