my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
