My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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