Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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