you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
