just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
