We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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