I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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