we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
