so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
